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Creating New Traditions: The First Holiday After the Loss of a Loved One

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red cardinal sitting on a snowy branchYou had always looked forward to experiencing the sounds and scents of the holiday season with family and friends. The traditions you created together decades ago brought you happiness. But after losing a loved one, listening to holiday music, baking cookies and shopping for gifts are much harder to appreciate. The parts of the season you once enjoyed now bring sadness.

“Dealing with grief can be more difficult during the holidays,” says Brian Medkeff-Rose, M.Div, M.A., of Homeland Hospice.

He believes one must avoid the pitfalls of “what if” thinking and learn to celebrate joy in the midst of sorrow while remembering your loved one. Medkeff-Rose recommends exploring changes in traditions and developing meaningful rituals.

“Creating new ways to remember your loved one can be a healthy coping technique when grieving,” Medkeff-Rose says.

 

Ways to Remember Your Loved One

From photo collages to planting a tree, there are many ways to remember your loved one and new traditions to start. Some ideas to consider:

  • Lighting a candle in your loved one’s memory
  • Creating a memory book of photos of your loved one
  • Donating a gift of money or time to those less fortunate in your loved one’s honor
  • Wearing a photo pin of your loved one
  • Starting a memorial scholarship fund in his/her name
  • Writing a poem or story about him/her
  • Visiting a place you both liked to visit
  • Hanging a special ornament on the tree in his/her memory
  • Playing his/her favorite music
  • Making a quilt or pillow from his/her favorite clothes
  • Creating a memory box of items that were special
  • Honoring his/her favorite tradition

Medkeff-Rose emphasizes that what works for some may not work for others since coping with loss is a deeply personal experience.

“Everyone is unique and grieves loss differently and there isn’t a time table,” Medkeff-Rose explains. “You shouldn’t feel guilty if you feel a roller coaster of emotions or laugh and have fun. You can certainly allow yourself to be sad, but it is OK to allow yourself to feel joy.”

Employee Spotlight: Rev. Dann Caldwell

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reverend dann caldwell and his parents, residents of homeland centerBorn and raised in the beautiful Susquehanna Valley, Rev. Dann Caldwell has been a part of the Homeland family since 2013.

“Both of my parents are a part of the Homeland family as well,” Rev. Caldwell says. “Each is receiving care at Homeland Center in uptown Harrisburg.”

As one of Homeland Hospice’s spiritual counselors and chaplains, Rev. Caldwell is a calming presence and offers guidance to patients and families throughout the end-of-life journey. “I am here to offer hope, comfort, and compassion, and to address patients’ questions and concerns, as well as assist them in exploring the legacy they will leave behind.”

Rev. Caldwell is a graduate of Central Dauphin High School, Lycoming College and the Princeton Seminary. “I received my Bachelor of Arts in psychology and sociology from Lycoming and two masters’ degrees from Princeton – Master of Divinity and Master of Theology.”

“Throughout high school and college, family members and friends suggested that I go into ministry,” he recalls.   “These continued confirmations gave me a sense of what my calling in life was to be.  They put me on the course of helping ministries, counseling and chaplaincy.”

Ordained as a United Methodist Minister nearly 30 years ago, Rev. Caldwell has served in several local churches, as well as secular and community agencies as a chaplain.  Additionally, he provided counsel and spiritual direction to those undergoing drug and alcohol treatment.

In Rev. Caldwell’s spare time, he enjoys swimming – and for a special reason.

“I have muscular dystrophy so, when I am in the water, it gives me freedom of movement and buoyancy that I am not able to get on dry land,” he says.  “It is so energizing and refreshing.  I try to swim as much as I can, when I can.”

Rev. Caldwell is also an avid singer.

“Many people don’t know that I have been singing since I was eight years old,” he says. “I was actually paid to sing at that young age by the St. Stephens Episcopal Cathedral Choir in Harrisburg. Singing is a true passion of mine.”

And the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Rev. Caldwell and his mother and father frequently perform together at Homeland Center’s monthly Wednesday morning prayer services. “I received my ear for harmony from my mother. And, the fact I am able to sing with my parents – well it’s making more memories to hold on to,” Rev. Caldwell says.

 

See other News and Events from Homeland At Home

Meet Lisa Fetter and Ruby

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Lisa Fetter and RubyLisa Fetter, a lifelong Dauphin County resident, is a Social Worker for Homeland HomeHealth.

Lisa graduated from La Salle University, where she played Division One Field Hockey, with a bachelor’s degree in social work.  “Go Explorers!”   Lisa also earned a master of social work degree from Millersville University.

She chose her career because she enjoys helping others.  “I have always tried to go above and beyond to help others in need. It is inspiring to help people get on the right path after they had to overcome so many barriers in life.”  Lisa believes that every day in her field is a different learning experience. “It teaches me the true value of life and challenges me in ways that few other careers will.”

“I chose to work at Homeland because I always heard such great things about them. I wanted to work for an employer where I woke up every morning looking forward to going to work. A job that you love gives you motivation to meet your goals and expectations not only for yourself and employer, but most importantly for your patients.”

While Lisa’s responsibilities are geared toward home health, she is being cross-trained for hospice care.  “We are starting a palliative program which allows me, as the social worker, our nurse, and an aid to continue caring for patients who choose to transition to hospice.”

 

That is where Ruby enters the picture.

Lisa has also become a Homeland Hospice volunteer, and is training her dog Ruby, a cava-poo, to become a certified therapy dog for our hospice patients. Ruby, along with Winston, also a cava-poo, and Freya, a collie, are Lisa’s fur children, and this is Lisa’s first experience training a therapy dog.

“Pet therapy or therapy dogs help our palliative and hospice patients cope with their terminal prognosis. Petting an animal has been known to release endorphins in the brain which can help calm someone who is struggling to cope. Spending time with pets can have a positive impact by drawing attention away from pain or problems and focusing it on the animal.”

Homeland has two other pet therapy volunteers, Franklin and Rusty, who travel with their handlers (also hospice volunteers).  Homeland Hospice has been using therapy dogs since its inception nearly a decade ago and will continue this complementary therapy that enhances a patient’s quality of life when it matters most.  Dog is truly man’s best friend.

Homeland Hospice Honors Veterans

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sign reading 'thank you veterans' next to an american flagLast month, Homeland Hospice was awarded Partner Level Three status from the We Honor Veterans program – a program that was created by the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO) in collaboration with the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). Its objective is to increase access to and improve the quality of healthcare for all veterans. This includes from the moment they retire or are discharged through end of life.

“Homeland Hospice has been involved in the program for about five years,” stated Leanne Porterfield, Coordinator of Volunteers for Homeland Hospice. “All agencies need to apply to the “We Honor Veterans” program to be involved. You first begin as a recruit, then progress through applications and development of programs to reach levels one, two, three and finally four. We are currently working on our Level Four status and our goal is to attain it within the next six months.”

The requirements to reach each level are different, but include community presentations, connections with a regional Veteran Community Partnership and education of all staff. The requirements are designed to strengthen the relationship between the Veterans and the VA and offer education about hospice care.

In the months of April through June, Homeland Hospice served 62 Veterans. Thirty, or nearly half, of those Veterans had served in World War II. This statistic is a little unique as many other hospices across the nation are seeing a decline in World War II Veterans receiving services, as the number of patients who served in more recent wars has increased.

The We Honor Veterans program’s model of care for Veterans is to support the philosophy of quality compassionate care at end of life, while adding the extra support that Veterans need. Veterans sometimes face death differently – they’ve seen active combat, were in active combat, witnessed the death of comrades. Many Veterans were taught to “hold in” their feelings about what they experienced or ignore what they went through or what they saw, as they ‘had to get up every morning and face it again’. And they returned from this military service ready to move on with their life, often putting those war memories aside. But at end of life, they may still have a need to share those memories and release some of the associated pain. The Homeland Hospice team is trained to serve Veterans with the supportive care they need and deserve. Sometimes, it’s encouraging them and listening to them share their stories. And always, it’s remembering to say ‘thank you for serving to protect our country’s freedoms.’

Homeland Hospice also provides Pinning Ceremonies for Veterans to offer a special tribute and recognition for their courageous efforts and their selfless involvement in the military. The ceremony, performed by Veteran volunteers and Hospice staff includes sharing a certificate and an American Flag, and giving them a pin to signify the branch of service in which they served. In the months of April through June, sixteen ceremonies were completed.

Homeland Hospice believes that every Veteran – those in our service as well as those we meet in our everyday lives, deserves a heartfelt thank you – it is the least we can to for all they have done for us. For more information about We Honor Veterans, please visit their website at www.WeHonorVeterans.org.

The Best of Cumberland County

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graphic showing homeland's best of cumberland county awardsThank you Cumberland County!

Each year The Sentinel asks its readers to vote for who they believe is the best of the best in the county in nearly 130 different categories.

Homeland Hospice was recently awarded first place in the Hospice Provider category for The Best of Cumberland County 2017. Homeland At Home came in second place (runner-up) for the In-home Care Provider category.

“We are sincerely honored that we were chosen as the favored provider,” stated Wendy Shumaker, Assistant Director of Marketing for Homeland Hospice, HomeHealth & HomeCare. “Our team of nurses, social workers, spiritual counselors and more are so compassionate and do an amazing job! I’ve never worked anywhere there was so much drive to provide excellent services.”

Homeland revealed that they did not tell their friends and family members to vote for them. “We did not tell anybody about our participation,” added Shumaker. “All of the votes were truly authentic.”

Homeland Hospice: YOUR Choice, OUR Privilege

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pair of hands holding another person's handWhen faced with a life-threatening illness, making serious decisions about your care can be overwhelming.

At Homeland Hospice, our goal is to make you and your loved ones informed of the choices you have. We encourage all patients to have a face-to-face conversation with their doctors, caregivers, and spiritual advisors in order to help make informed decisions consistent with their wishes.

“All patients have the right to freedom of choice when faced with needing hospice,” stated Debbie Klinger, RN and Director of Homeland Hospice. “And all of us at Homeland feel privileged to be a part of our patients’ care.”

Homeland Hospice believes that needless pain is unnecessary when a person is nearing the end of life. We provide a dedicated team of skilled professionals at the very center of each patient’s care.

 

Rights and Choices of a Hospice Patient

According to the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO) a hospice patient has the right to be informed of his or her rights … and choices. Hospitals and medical providers must provide a patient with choices for their end of life care, including hospice providers.

 

What are your rights?

  • Be treated with respect.
  • Receive quality end-of-life care.
  • Receive spoken and written notice of his /her rights and responsibilities in a manner they understand during the assessment meeting with hospice staff.
  • Receive information on advance directives including a living will and healthcare surrogate.
  • Voice concerns and not be discriminated against for doing so.
  • Receive pain management and symptom control.
  • Be involved in developing his or her hospice plan of care.
  • Refuse care or treatment.
  • Choose his or her attending physician.
  • Have a medical record.
  • Be free from mistreatment, neglect, or verbal, mental, sexual, and physical abuse.
  • Receive information about the services covered under the Hospice.
  • Receive information about the services that the hospice will provide and any limitations on those services.

Homeland Hospice provides you these rights both verbally and on paper. It truly is YOUR choice how we manage your care and OUR privilege to provide it for you.

Please feel free to email us with any questions you may have.

 

National Hospice & Palliative Care Month slide

How to Choose a Quality Hospice